imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
