...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
