I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
what day is it and did you see me today?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
