Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
