Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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