is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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