pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
