he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
