I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
