shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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