Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
