I'm so fucking centered right now
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
