rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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