Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
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I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
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Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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