Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
