You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
