I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
