Have you finally orgasmed yet?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I'm really busy with my period
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