wanna go halves on a baby?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Mom said you looked used
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
