we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
