I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
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the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
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My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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