yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
