I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
As shirtless as possible
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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