If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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