dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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