Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
