Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
