so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Mom said you looked used
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
