there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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