I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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