I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
