I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
