I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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