I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
