You made me cry and you don't even care
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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