3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
