it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
