She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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