Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
