You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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