I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
