Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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