Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
