Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
