big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
