Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
