When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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