Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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