Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
