Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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