found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
