Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
