nutella sex= disaster
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My vagina just recognized that song.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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