UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
