Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I will pee on everything he values.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
