Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
