I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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