My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
