Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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