You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
