Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
