everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize