dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
