these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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